having recently attended a wedding, i was subjected to the reception dinner polite chat - which is always challenging at the best of times. in no time, i found myself asking the guy next to me what he did for a living. he responded with what i thought was “i work in monastries” - for some reason this registered in my head as he worked in a morgue?!?

i then spent a good 10 minutes trying not to look completely disturbed by his job but couldn’t help but show my surprise! i asked how he got in to the industry and he said that when he had finished his business degree, it was the easiest thing to get in to - much to my confusion.

literally 20 minutes later when the guy was chatting about it to someone else, i clicked that he had said mortgages rather than monastries! apparently he said that he has never had such an excited response to his job!!!

is it a sign of age when you start to lose your hearing???   

ok, so i managed to squeeze into the outfit that i had planned for the pilots and air hostesses night. admittedly it was intended for 2-4 year olds, but i managed it nonetheless!

a good time was had by all (from what I can remember) - although it drew more than a little attention when we first walked in to the bar. things didn’t get any better when i visited the ladies room and overheard a girl asking her friend why I was wearing a shark?!?

when we eventually made it to the “plane themed bar” (which actually turned out just to have one wall with aeroplane seats and windows) we were allowed to the front of the queue, ordered a round of drinks, totalling £50 and it was at that point my plane was conviscated from me! apparently the bar didn’t allow fancy dress, but they didn’t tell us that until after they had taken our cash. they did allow the boys to keep on their hats however, so having been stripped of my plane/shark - I adopted a pilots hat instead.

so it just goes to prove - you can take the girl out of the madness, but you can’t take the madness out of the girl! life’s never normal when i’m around!

i had to go to london this week on business and decided that the quickest and easiest way to get there would be by train. this is probably the point at which i should announce that i am never using public transport ever again! dramatic as that may seem, it’s just not pleasant and i’m sure that it should come with a health warning.

firstly on my journey up, a person sat next to me that had serious hygiene issues! there’s only so long that you can hold your breath before you start to turn blue and trust me, i had reached that point. by the time that i had got off of the train, i was convinced that the smell had rubbed off on me and the guys that i was going to meet would think that i really smelled!

later in the day, before heading home, i decided to make the most of being in london and popped into selfridges to do a spot of shopping. now anyone that knows me will know that i have a slight shopping weakness and find it really hard to resist temptation. whilst i was in selfridges, i decided to go to the lingerie department as they sell brands that you just can’t get locally. so, i was wandering around looking at the different underwear sets when i found a really gorgeous set that i liked. with that, the assistant came over and insisted that i tried it on….

ten minutes later, i’m in the dressing room and without any warning, the shop assistant pulls back the curtain to the changing room to “take a look” at how it fitted - completely oblivious to the fact that there was a guy stood right outside of the room waiting for his wife!?! to make matters worse, she then announces really loudly that it looks gorgeous as i’m only small! the ground couldn’t have opened up and swallowed me quick enough.

eventually, having changed back in to my clothes, the assistant asks whether i’m going to take the set. so, i glance at the price tag and decide that it’s a bit more than i would normally spend, but it’s xmas, so i should treat myself. that alone shouldn’t have led to any problems - apart from when she rang the items in to the till, the price that i had seen had been for the bottoms alone! all i can say is, i had better get lots of use out of it!!

things got better when i went to meet an old friend and we caught up which was lovely. we then decided that it was getting late and i should probably get my train home. the issue with that is that i had purposefully chosen a cheap return ticket that i had been told i could use on earlier trains but not later ones. when i went to the customer service desk, they then told me that to transfer it to an earlier train would cost an addition £60 or else, i would have to wait at paddington for another 3 hours for the train that i was actually booked on to. being a girl alone and wanting to get home, i was forced to begrudgingly hand over the cash.

as if that wasn’t bad enough - the journey home was torturous! i made sure that i got my laptop out as to discourage smelly people from sitting next to me and i was quite smug when the train pulled away with a spare seat next to me. i was convinced that this was going to be a better journey….

that was until a guy sat himself in front of me, who had seeping scabs on his head and was determined to pick at them the whole way home. as if that wasn’t bad enough, he had obviously eaten something that hadn’t agreed with him (gross I know, but imagine how i felt). it was at this point that i made a mental note to myself that i really should learn to be discreet as it turned out that when i thought that i had said “eew gross” in my head, it had actually come out of my mouth and he turned around to give me the most disgusted look?!?

my point is (i know i’ve taken a long time to get around to it!) that i don’t think it’s fair that i should have to pick up other people’s guts with my lungs! have some respect - that’s just gross! only boys could produce such a horrible smell anyway as girls obviously smell of roses!

so following a 3 hour journey home (the train was apparently running on 1 engine rather than 2 - i didn’t know they had 2) i have vowed to never take public transport again unless in time of emergencies. my bugsy is coming everywhere with me in future

 

we’re out for a birthday night this friday and are going to a bar that is aeroplane themed, so we all thought that it would be quite amusing to dress in suitable outifts, along the route of pilots and air hostesses - admitedly we had consumed a few drinks at the stage we thought it was a good idea!

we’ve scoured high and low for suitable outfits and you seriously wouldn’t believe how hard it is to find something! if you look on ebay, it’s easy to find outfits that are intended for the bedroom, but certainly not something i would want to inflict on anyone in a bar!

as you’ll probably know by now, i’m quite a lateral thinker and came up with several options, none of which fitted the bill. i contemplated being a reindeer (very festive and they fly), superwoman (she flies and i get to remain covered up) and even biggles but thought the goggles would be a bit much.

then i had a brainwave and came up with a genius idea! i don’t think anyone will be expecting it, i’m not sure i’ll actually get in and that anyone will want to be associated with me - but it’s been worth it just for the moments where i keep giggling to myself thinking about it! can you guess what it is? i’ll let you know how i get on and may even post some pictures - depending on whether i have any dignity left or not.

do you think it’s too late for me to mention that the bar may not be aeroplane themed, i had consumed quite a few drinks the last time that i went there….?