Monthly Archive

i’ve just spent the last couple of hours sat watching bridget jones… wtf i hear you say - i’ve asked myself the same thing. i was convinced that i wanted to stay in and have a girlie night though, so it seemed a good idea at the time.

having watched bridget sing badly to shaka khan, cook awfully and drink far too much, it led to a moment of reflection….

i looked around the room to find myself sat here with my cats, the candles on, my laptop by my side and a bottle of beer in my hand (can i just add that i only started drinking beer last month!) when it hit me - i’m bridget in the making! when did that happen?

i’m going to be a 90 year old spinster that will be eaten by alsations before you know it - oh how i can’t wait

before i get started can i just say that i realise i sound like a misery guts - so please, there really is no need to point it out! i received this email from my friend over the weekend and seriously, it’s like the third time i’ve had the same email in less than a week! at first these things were fun - it was a way of getting to know trivial facts about my friends, but now i know EVERYTHING and there simply is nothing more to know.

i therefore came up with this plan, i’m going to answer the questionnaire on my blog and everytime someone sends me the same email, i’m just going to direct them here… simple!

FIRST NAME: melanie (although I can’t pronounce melanie correctly, so i refer to myself as mel which in turn leads everyone to believe that i’m a guy… nice)

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? no, it took two months to get my name and my mum was getting desperate as my christening was fast approaching…

WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? today… i shouldn’t admit that should i?

LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? no, it gives everyone the impression that i have plenty of time on my hands, which i don’t!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? i don’t eat meat - think of the poor little cows and sheep in the field

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? definitely not - i tire myself out but i can’t get away from myself - think i’m far too troublesome to make a good friend, always up to mischief!

DO YOU USE SARCASM? me? no! not at all :-/

DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? random!! why??? ……… yes!

THE LEAST FAVORITE THING YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF… my inability to behave and sit still for 10 minutes, plus my compulsion to shop! oooh, almost forgot my girliness, my big hips, my dark circles, the list could go on…

LAST THING YOU ATE? hot cross bun …. gotta love the hot cross buns!

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO? my fingernails hitting the keys as i tap away & killers in the background

IF YOU WERE A CRAYON WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? i’d be one of those crayons that had a different colour depending which side you lean on… typical, can’t be straight forward can i?

FAVORITE SMELL? the ocean

THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRAC TED TO: smile

FAVORITE DRINK? champagne

EYES? yes i have two - they’re both blue

HAT SIZE? what the heck??? i have no idea

FAVORITE FOOD? indian - so hot you struggle to eat it but then it feels like an accomplishment when you’re still alive at the end of it…

SUMMER OR WINTER? summer for sure - i’m such a sun worshiper!!!

HUGS OR KISSES? kisses with a few hugs thrown in

WHERE’S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE? my bed, i love my bed!

wow, so i guess i’m pretty easy to sum up - i’m troublesome with a short attention span who likes to be in bed in the sun drinking champagne whilst listening to the Killers and eating hot cross buns… who said i was one of a kind?

it’s thursday night which makes it officially the weekend and it has to be said that it couldn’t come soon enough. the week all in all hadn’t been great but it got a whole lot worse as i headed back to my car tonight.

firstly it was drizzly raining which is the worse rain of all as it looks pathetic if you put an umbrella up but is destructive enough to make you look like you’re wearing a mop on your head if you leave your hair to fend for itself! in my haste to get back to the car, i wasn’t looking where i was going and managed to stand in dog poop!!! (seriously it’s a good job i couldn’t see the mutt responsible!)

looking down to assess the situation having felt my foot squelch, i was so pre-occupied that i failed to see the great big lamppost straight ahead of me and managed to walk right into it head-first. now this is where i have a question….

with other people around, do you:-

a) acknowledge what has just happened, or

b) bounce off of the lamppost and carry on walking as normal?

i decided to go with the secret option c) which was to bounce off of the lamppost and then sprint back to my car, holding my head and crying like a baby the whole way - i’m so glamorous - but at least i think i handled the situation well

well they say that pictures speak 1000 words, so….

what more is there to say? austin rocks! x

so it’s official - austin ROCKS! it appears that whilst in austin, there isn’t a closing time for bars and you don’t have to pay for drinks - my idea of heaven. so needless to say, i’ve been making the most of the situation - i am british after all.

it had been a really good night (probably a little too good) and i was probably an hour or so later to bed than i should have been. it will come as no surprise then to hear that i overslept the next day and woke up at 9.50am when i was due at a presentation for 10am. i got showered and changed in super quick time and literally ran out of the hotel.

all was going well, i walked towards the convention centre. as i walk for longer and longer i realise that i don’t actually recognise any of the buildings (i should probably add at this point that i was wearing a skirt and boots). i stopped to try and get my bearings only to have a cop car pull up next to me (like my use of americanism there?). The guy winds down his window and asks me whether i knew that there was someone following me.

to my dismay, as i turn around there’s a really shifty guy right behind me - i didn’t have a clue. he then goes on to explain that i’m in a really dodgy party of austin and shouldn’t walk there alone. this was when the dilemma occured. he told me to get in the car and he would drive me to the convention centre. now what’s a girl to do? should i carry on walking and being followed by some random freak or get in a cop car that could be a fake?

i decided the safest option was to get in the car. the guy then kindly drove me all of the way to the convention centre and walked me in to the centre to make sure that i was safe…. you don’t get that in britain. so there you have it, don’t walk alone in dodgy neighbourhoods, don’t get lost - but worst case scenario - the austin cops rule!

you just sang that in your head didn’t you?

so i still don’t have a cable to update my photos, which I’m gutted about. when i do, i will let you know and they will be tagged sxsw on my flickr account, the details of which can be found on the righthand side of this page.

well, what can i say? Austin has a LOT of bars!!! we’ve taken the opportunity to consume a few afternoon drinks and so far everything’s gone swimmingly. that of course is with the exception of the door incident. i was in the hotel lobby with a friend that i’m sharing a room with. she decided to head back to the room to have a shower and after 5 minutes, i decided to make my way back to the room as at this stage we only had 30 minutes before we were due to go out for dinner.

anyone who knows me would be the first to tell you that 30 minutes is not a lot of time for me! it takes a lot of work to polish this old rock! so i get back to the room and try putting my card in the door only to find that the door isn’t unlocking. so at this stage i politely do a little tap on the door to get in to the room. i could hear the tv on in the background and was conscious that she might be in the shower, so i thought i would give her 5 minutes.

5 minutes later and i’m still stood outside of the room, so i decide to knock more loudly. as more time passes, my knocks are now getting more and more impatient and i’m getting quite miffed that i should be in the shower by now. with that the people staying next door returned to their room and gave me a really odd look - which i just put down to the fact that i must look “english”.

following another 5 minutes of knocking, a door opens behind me. as i turn around, it was my boss - which seemed incredibly strange as i was staying 3 floors lower. it was only at this stage i realised i had been hounding the wrong door. the person in the room probably looked out of the peep hole and thought that i was a mad nutter. with that, i literally ran to the lift and when i got to the right room - surprisingly the key worked!

so - first lesson of visiting Austin - don’t ask a local where you can go line dancing with the locals…. this tends to lead to huge insultment of the locals who take pleasure in telling you that it will cost quite a lot in a taxi as it’s local in Arizona rather than Austin! d’oh!

as i actually managed to forget to bring the cable to upload photos from my camera, i thought that now might be a good time to reflect of my connecting flight from Chicago to Austin. firstly, we stepped onto the plane and wondered where the rest of it was… it was like a dinky little toy plane - but kind of amused by the ghetto travel decided it would be fun.

having taken our seats, one of the flight attendants took a seat in-front of us and talked really loudly about the fact the air hostess at the front of the plane had never done this before. we then had to sit there whilst the hostess tried to remember and demonstrate where the fire escapes were, followed by a struggle with the oxygen mask to try and open it. by now, as you can imagine, we were filled with confidence - which was cemented when the hostess sat in front of us said loudly “everyone check you’re belted up - we’re going to head up now”

within 10 minutes of take off - a 17 year old guy walks along the aisle, only for me to later discover that he was the pilot. honestly, i could go on to list the other hilarious events, but i think i could actually be in denial at the moment and so have blocked them from my memory.

on the upside however, they proved to be really caring when they made an announcment to say “we will be landing in 20 minutes, for this reason we will be turning on the lights. please therefore, if you have been asleep, please prepare for this by covering your eyes to allow them to adjust” - bless them….

well, i’ll keep you up to date with our progress here in Austin, i’ll try and get hold of a cable as they say a picture can say 1000 words - well if that’s the case, i have a hell of a lot to say. i’m going to leave you now to go and find a venue in which you can dance in a line

Firstly, can I say hello Texas!! I’m finally here and so excited that words can’t even begin to explain! Keep checking the site as I’m planning to post loads of piccies - although the level of their “randomness” is bound to vary, depending on the time of day at which they were taken and levels of alcohol consumed - woo hoo!

The first issue of the day was that I probably should have looked up the term “capsule wardrobe” before taking a literal trunk brimming at the edges. As I was sat on the plane, I was still convinced that they had some trailer of some kind at the back especially for my case! To me capsule wardrobe means that the clothes are timeless, well in my opinion I have lots of those - so there were lots to pack. Think I missed the point somewhere?!?

I should probably mention at this stage that as a last minute panic, I decided it would be a good to remove all heavy items and put them in my hand luggage as that was less likely to be weighed. Please someone remind me next time that generally the heavy items are liquids, which of course due to security you aren’t able to take onboard. I have no need to say anything further about it - let’s just say it’s still a bit of a sore point.

My last grumble and I swear it really is - I bought new luggage especially for the occasion - I like to think it has a certain youthful appeal about it, in a Hawaii-esque manner. That was of course until I turn up at Departures and find a 70 year old woman with the same bag. My automatic reaction included a certain amount of “mutton and lamb”. That was when my mid-life crisis hit me! When will I know to stop trying to be trendy? What if I don’t? What if I shouldn’t be already? Who even says that I am? Girl geeks aren’t always renound for their trendiness after all!

Well now that I’ve managed to stir up all of those emotions all over again - I’m off to find myself a tequila and dance in a line - I am in the right place aren’t I?

I promise to keep you up to my escapades as and when they happen although I’m a little concerned as I struggle to get by with everyday life in the country in which I was born. The question is….. are the States ready for me? Only time will tell!

woo hoo…. it’s finally here - spring has well and truly sprung and i had my first tops down day of the season (on my car that is of course!). there was a slight obstacle to face in putting the top down as i’m not actually strong enough to click the roof into place, but after admitting defeat and asking a “strong man” to help, i was on my way.

as i was driving along the high road - that’s not what it’s actually called, it’s a road and it’s up high - so that’s what i tend to call it, i actually had to find my phone to take a picture as you could look down and see the mist below you…

it’s fair to say that it was breathtaking - quite literally. as i got to the bottom of the hill and turned the corner, it actually turned out that someone had a bonfire. this in turn meant that not only did i now have BIG windswept hair which seemed like a good idea at the time, but i also now smell of smoke - god the people at work are going to love me!

on a completely separate note - i am proud to announce that i am now an official girl geek! following the recent event that i was at, i was given this zimki t-shirt and promised that i would post a picture of it to prove that i’ve worn it. well there you go - i’m a geek and i’m proud of it, just don’t tell too many people (i do actually really love it - is that bad?)

i’ve decided to take control of my own destiny and read a book - i know, it’s impressive isn’t it? i’m reading “feel the fear and do it anyway” which promises to transform my life  by finding an inner strength that i didn’t know i had. apparently part of this process is admitting your fears, so here we go, i’m taking the first step and admitting them right here…

1. my luggage being lost when i travel

2. falling over the side of a water shoot and hitting the floor?!? random i know

3. not caring about fashion any more

4. dancing like my mum

5. forgetting to get dressed and turning up to work naked

6. losing all of my teeth

7. my cattens running away

it’s going to be ok though as the book promises that by the end, i’ll embrace my fear and do it anyway, which i’m assuming means that i’ll go on holiday all gummy with no teeth, lose my luggage, go on far too many water shoots, dress terribly and go out dancing like my mum, return home to find that my cattens have left me and then go to work naked- rock on, sounds like good times

(others include not being liked, dying, being lonely, not living life to the max, feeling trapped… but these are just minor things, so we’ll skip over those)

on a separate note, this book does have my favorite quote of all time:-

“angels can fly because they take themselves lightly”

see and there was me putting my ability to fly down to drinking lots of redbull…

so this post is officially going into the category of stupid!!

it’s fair to say that i’ve done some stupid things in my time, but even by my standards this is bad! within my life time i’ve managed to put my mobile phone in the washing machine 3 times. that alone sounds bad i know - but it gets worse when i tell you that those 3 times are probably all within the last 18 months - yes it is possible for someone to be that stupid. the first time it happened i had left the phone in a pocket, the second time, i managed to put the washing on the side, the phone into the washing machine, put in washing powder and then turn it on. i thought that i had learned my lesson…. until a few weeks ago!

i always insure my phone - i know how accident prone i am. that was apart from this time, i thought that i had matured and as the insurance was nearly as expensive as the phone decided that it was time for me to brave the world without it… then a couple of weeks ago, i was putting some washing on and decided the machine looked a bit empty, so decided to take off the top i was wearing and add it to the wash?!? all was well until after 10 minutes of banging from the machine i realised that my phone had been in my pocket and now had suds coming from every part possible. a few days of leaving the phone wrapped in a towel on the radiator didn’t help and i admitted defeat, realising that i was going to need a new mobile.

i had managed to put it off for a couple of weeks, but as i’m off to the states this week, i decided i was going to have to bit the bullet and buy a new one. anyone that knows me will tell you that i can’t just walk in and buy the cheapest handset, i’m far too shallow for that - i’m able to choose the most expensive without even seeing the price tag. having been quizzed by the salesman who wanted to sell me everything in the store (obviously i have sucker written across my forehead) i finally walked out with a spanking new shiney phone - and all was well.

for some reason at this point i decided it was a good idea to put the phone in my back pocket and forget about it - it’s not like it rings that often . an hour later and nature called, i popped to the loo and heard the most almight splash only to find that my brand new spanking shiney phone was now settled at the bottom of the toilet!!!

so two phones later, plenty of water, good cash down the dunny as it were and a few tears - i’m without a phone yet again. someone please - create a waterproof phone - you’d save me a fortune….

right then, first off - let me apologise. for the past month or so, things have been manic in the lead up to the event that i’ve been organising - so I’ve not had a life to make random - thus no posts.

now that things are going back to normal though i have to venture to places other than my house and the office i work in - so blonde moments have returned and the world is good once more.

melvin

i’ve developed a bit of an issue around my gender - there you go, i said it and it’s out there. before you go off at the deep end, it’s not that i want to change my gender, it’s just that i want people to realise that i’m a girl! i understand that the industry i work in is mainly male - but seriously this was a conversation that i had with someone…

background: i was wearing a pass with my name on it - visible for the world to see!

man: “excuse me, could you tell me where i could find mel?”

me: “hi, sure, no worries at all - that’s me. what can i help with?”

man: “yeah funny. so where is he?”

me: “no seriously i am mel”

man: “so why do you have a guy’s name?”

aaargh! i can think of tonnes of girls that are called mel, but the only guy is mel gibson!! it’s getting so bad that i might have to revert to my full name - but the problem is i can’t actually say it properly. melanie for some reason just doesn’t role off of the tongue! therefore my plan of action from here is to make sure that i definitely wear a polar neck at all times to cover my adams apple, otherwise I’ll never hear the end of it

candles have a purpose

i think that it must be a guy/girl thing because it seems to be mainly girls that like twigs and candles. there is a method behind our madness though guys - so make note!

it’s 5.30am, my alarm has gone off and it’s time to get up to make my way to the event. i turn on the light switch next to the bed and it has no effect. convinced that somehow i was unable to master the art of using a light switch i was sure that i was doing something wrong and headed to the main switch to turn the lights on. in the process of getting to the main switch, i managed to stub my toe on the side table, get my foot caught up in the telephone wire and somehow land in a heap on the floor with the lamp (still not working), lampshade and telephone on top of me… it was probably at that point that i knew it was going to be a good day!

having eventually got to the door with the main switch, still nothing was happening and i resided to the fact that the lights weren’t going to resolved by me - this was going to take someone with brains this is where my plan kind of fell apart, i tried opening the curtains for light, but it was still pitch black. i tried turning the television on, only to find that most hotel channels are very dark! i eventually decided the best plan of action would be to fumble around to turn on the shower, shower in the dark, select an outfit in the dark (i know!!!) and then head down to reception.

by the time i had eventually made it down to reception, the receptionist was lovely and said that she would have it sorted within minutes. disaster resolved! although it didn’t help when she added “in future miss kirk, just call us if that happens again and we’ll send someone up” - d’oh!

moral of the stories - i’m back and nothing’s changed!!!