Monthly Archive

so tonight i stopped by the supermarket to buy some sunday night beer - i know, i’ve really taken to the stuff since i was first introduced to it a couple of months ago. see, give me a web app and i’m a total early adopter, like a magpie with something really shiny and new. give me beer however and it took 7 years after the legal age of consent to have my first one…. way late!

as i came through the checkout and paid i remember thinking to myself that it seemed quite expensive, but as i’m no expert, assumed i must have been wrong. when i got home and had taken a couple of sips, it didn’t quite taste right, but i still couldn’t put my finger on what it was…

after closer inspection - i spotted it - flipping alchohol free beer. firstly, why would you, it appears to have the same calories as normal beer and secondly i paid more for it! i’m completely flabbergasted?!?

i’m off to drink my beer-ish tasting liquid, but i hope you’ve got the real stuff.

m x

so the other day, i was having a discussion with someone about my greatest fears when i admitted to being petrified of heights… which took me back to being in turkey. the story kind of goes like this…

it was late, quite a few glasses of wine had been consumed and i had been approached by one of the instructors from the local paragliding school to sign up to do a paraglide from the babadag mountain. At the time, it seemed like an amazing idea, so there and then i paid up and arranged to do it two days later. the next morning, i woke up, opened one eye, felt the greatest fear of my life but couldn’t quite place why and then the realisation hit! what had i done?

things got worse when later that day, i was sunbathing by the pool at the foot of the mountain when literally every 20 minutes someone would paraglide overhead. i’m not quite sure why i hadn’t noticed people doing it before then, but it served to act as a constant reminder all day long. that night i got no sleep, felt like i was going to throw up and generally believed that my life was about to end. that was when i hatched a plan. i would simply get to the top of the mountain, let everyone do their paraglide and then when it got to my turn, i would tell them that i had changed my mind and drive back down to the hotel.

the next day, i got into the jeep and set off for the top of babadag. no one had thought to warn me that it was a single dirt track to the top of the mountain and that other vehicles would also be coming in the opposite direction. to say that the jeep nearly fell off of the edge of the cliff more than once would sound like an exhaggeration, but was in fact more true than i care to admit.

by the time that i eventually got to the top of the mountain, i had decided it would be safer for me to jump off the edge of a cliff than risk a journey back to the base of the mountain in the jeep. my legs barely held me up for me to get into the jump suit and i’d love to say i was really brave. i wasn’t. i was a complete and utter sissy but i did it nonetheless and boy was i proud by the time i got to the bottom. i got back to work and gloated to everyone that i had done a paraglide, i might have forgotten to tell them the circumstances in which i did it though… oops!

lesson of the day: embrace your fears - or if you’re not able to do that, take a ridiculously scary jeep ride and anything seems possible!

you guessed it - i’ve managed to lose yet another phone and i’m really not proud of myself. you see normally when that happens, i’m annoyed with myself and even upset but i know that it can be rectified without any impact on anyone else - this time though it was a work phone

we were staying at a hotel in london and i was packing ready to come home. as always i was running late and did my normal trick of flinging things into my case rather than tidily packing as i would have done on the way there. it was at this point that i had what i thought was a clever idea. i would make a pile of important items that i must remember to pack and that are accessible.

when i finished packing and checked out, i was completely oblivious that i had forgotten the one pile of items that i COULDN’T forget - i know, i’m smart, there’s not many people like me! having left my cases with the hotel for collection later that evening, when i was to return they told me that i had left some clothes in my room. when i persisted that i was sure i hadn’t, they gave me the key to go and check and when i did, there was evidence that a boy was now “in the house” as it were. Clothes were strewn everywhere and it no longer smelled of roses.

the next day when i realised that i didn’t have the phone, i called the hotel but there was no sign - so i’m assuming the smelly boy pocketed it! grr! all that i can say is that it’s a good job my employers are understanding - i think they’ve come to expect stuff like that from me by now! so, the question is, does anyone have any mitten like string that i can attach the new one to myself with?

 p.s. as posts about my phones are becoming a common theme, i’ve started a category purely based on phone stories!

i know that it’s ridiculous, but i love the sites where you enter a whole ton of information in the hope that you learn what kind of person you are (as if you didn’t know already). well the latest one that i came across tells you how girly you are.

obviously intended for something cheesy like myspace, given the clipart involved - you’d think that i’d be able to rise above it and not spend 5 minutes completing, but oh no, it had to be done…

You Are 92% Girly

When the term “girly girl” was invented, they were thinking of someone like you.You’re a feminine and sweet and very high maintenance. But you’re worth it!

how very dare they… high maintenance??? moi??? i’ve always preferred to think i keep people on their toes! i was thinking of printing it out and sticking it to my forehead so that the next time i go to an event and someone makes a comment about thinking mel’s a guys name - i’ll just tell them i’m 92% girly don’t you know???

what’s even more amusing than the quiz itself though are the quizes that they advertise next to it - “what’s your holiday stress level?”, “are you living the wrong life?” and lastly and most brilliantly “how hot are your kisses?” - short of kissing your mac, i daren’t even think about how that one works!!! if you’re totally bored and have 5 minutes to spare though, it’s worth checking out, just for the sake of amusement!

UPDATE: i just told my friend the score and she now informs me that guys hate really girly girls - joy!

so, i think i’ve come up with an ingenius business idea - and i’m sure i’m not the only girl that thinks it! this weekend, following a nasty bird poop incident - i was forced to wash my car… it’s actually the first time that i’ve done it since buying bugsy but i suppose it had to happen sooner or later. normally i rely on the tactic of driving as fast as possible on the motorway to dislodge any debris, but given the “situation” this time around, i knew that wouldn’t help!

so, i should probably give you a bit of background about the situation before i go on to the most amazing idea in the world (not that i believe in over-selling at all!). i had eventually got back from london and was looking forward to jumping in my little beetle to make my way home. that was of course, until i realised that my lovely shiney little car had been turned into one big moving bird poo! nice! all i can say is that the birds had taken a real shine to it and had left a number of gifts on it for me - generous i know!

this alone was bad enough, i was dreading the journey home where i knew everyone would be stopping to look at the travelling poop! however, what i didn’t realise was that with the soft top, the smell absorbed straight into the car and when you moved, the air just circulated. by the time i got home, i smelled of bird!

anyway, back to my original idea - having been forced to give in and wash it, i decided that i should probably learn to top up the water and oil. brave i know. having read the manual around 10 times, taken 30 minutes to work out how to open the bonnet and eventually managed to cover myself in oil from head to toe, i worked out which cap was for what and that the dippy stick oil thing needs to be covered in oil to at least half way. it was at that point that i realised, like you can pay people to wash your car, you should be able to pay them to top up the water and oil! i’d pay for that!

i mentioned it to a friend and they werent exactly sold on the idea, but for girls like myself, that it could be said aren’t that practical - i think it’s amazing! so now to go about patonting the idea!?!

btw - this was the windscreen after i had actually tried to clean it - now do you understand? girls shouldn’t be subjected to such nasty things! now that i’ve brightened your day with my gross story and made myself feel totally grubby again, i’m off to have a shower. have a happy week peeps!

1. “urgh i just walked past the kitchen and the chef is sat on the side, is that even hygenic? this place is gross” - when the waitress is stood behind you

2. “i don’t mind how we split the bill, it’s not like we’re students any more who account for every 50 pence” - when the waitress behind you only works there part time to get her through university

3. “oh well, dinner’s been insightful, we know not to come back here again” - when (you guessed it) the waitress is still stood behind you.

dammit!

happy sunny saturday people!

*******************************

p.s. update on the umpa lumpa situation - only now an umpa - the lumpa part washed away in the shower. still able to make the event - yay!

m

help! i’ve got an event in a couple of days and i look like an umpa lumpa - don’t really think i can call in sick with skin discolouration, do you?

i had my first experience of a spray tan today - i’ve never had one before, but as i was whiter than milk, thought that it would probably be a good thing to do! my friend has just learned to spray tan professionally and so offered me one for free, never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, i did of course take advantage of the offer. i knew that she had already practiced on lots of people so i felt i was in safe hands…

that was of course unti she had sprayed one arm and then looked up to me and said “i’m going to try something new on you today” - lets put it this way, when you’re stood there with very little on and one brown arm, you don’t have much choice.

the disturbing thing is, that i thought the tan was meant to develop overnight, but literally you could see it darkening as soon as i got out of the booth and by the time i came to leave her house, all that you could see were my teeth! eek! things were made worse when she suggested getting a pizza - as she had done my tan, i of course offered to pay. when i went to put my shoes on though, she broke into a sweat and said that i would have to go out with no shoes on. it was ok she told me, as i could wait in the car whilst she ran in.

so, we were in the car, my friend and me the umpa lumpa with no shoes - when it struck me - i didn’t have any cash on me, just a cheque book. i then had the humiliation of walking into the restaurant to pay for dinner, darker than an umpa lumpa and with nothing on my feet - surely that causes hygiene issues for them?!? oh well…

she’s told me i have to keep it on overnight and wash it off in the morning, so i’m praying most of it will wash off, otherwise i’m going undercover! i’ll keep you posted!

Note: to my adorable friend, if you’re reading this - you know who you are - i’m sorry, i don’t really mean it, i love it, honestly :-/

the day started well, i was only 10 minutes late leaving the house rather than my usual 20! i was driving along in the sunshine, admiring the beautiful countryside when i spotted a wild deer (yes bambi herself i like to think). not quite able to believe my eyes, i kept doing a double take to check that i was seeing properly, when all of a sudden….flash, flash…. the speed camera took a photo as evidence! dammit!

so remember kids, don’t smile at bambi, keep your eyes pealed to the road! grrr!

m x

no - not enough outfits!! you see, it’s all to do with the way that you approach the subject!

so, i went to see a flat that i was considering buying and as we entered the second bedroom, the estate agent turned to me and said “this would make a lovely study” to which i responded “or shoe cupboard”. she laughed and said that i was very funny, but to this day, i’m still not sure what was so amusing?!?

i decided that with the view that i’ll probably be downsizing, i should clear out some of my beloved shoes. therefore they were split into 3 clear piles, 1. charity shop, 2. ebay, 3. keep forever! they say a picture speaks a thousand words, hmmmn….. how many do you think these would equate to?

then i heard a sniffle from another wardrobe and realised that i had forgotten my favorites - the pink and red section…

i think it’s fair to say that ebay and the charity shop still came out quite well from all of this…

the problem is that you guarantee, the moment i throw away a pair of the gorgeous shoes, i’m going to wear an outfit with which they would have gone perfectly…. not so sure i’m any good at this “clearing out your life” thing… oh well we can but try!

i do have one confession to make though - i’ve kept probably the crumiest, oldest, most decrepid boots in the world! i can’t help it - i love them…. and you never know, one day i may wake up to find that the boot fairy has fixed them! until that day, i’ll sit here and look back with fond memories of their hay day

gotta love route 66! if any one has these boots brand new, please let me know and i’ll donate my left arm in return.

m

today was a beautiful tops down day - the sun was shining which meant only one thing - i had to take bugsy out for a spin. it was as i was going along a lovely country lane that it struck me…. run to the sun must be only around the corner.

for those of you who haven’t heard of run to the sun before, it’s a cool festival that’s attended by around 35,000 VW music loving festival go-ers in devon each year. the coolest thing of all has to be the cruise down to the festival… the first cars meet at reading services and stop at services along the way for cars to join the convoy. now that i’m officially one of the gang - it would be rude not to go!

i’m really looking forward to the custom car competition, but i’m a bit worried that bugsy might feel a bit unloved as i haven’t done anything in terms of adjustments since i’ve had him. what can i say, he’s perfect just the way he is.

throw in some live bands and a few drinks for good measure and it sounds like the most fun in ages… just 46 days, 3 hours, 18 minutes and 49 seconds to go… whooppee!

p.s. i do know that my beetle isn’t a real person and i am in the process of trying to refer to it in such a way - let’s just say that i’ve still got some way to go

easter’s finally here, which can only mean one thing - a long weekend - whooppee i hear you shout! to celebrate, i’ve put some things together to put you in the easter mood (aren’t I kind?).

something to make you smile…

thanks to rakka for this picture. who would have thought eggs decorated as kiss could be so amusing? If you’re not already smiling, this easter bunny is bound to have the desired effect…

damn i need to get me some of those moves - he’s hot!

now it obviously wouldn’t be easter without an easter bonnet parade - after all what better could we doing with our time than sticking random bits of paper and fluff to an otherwise decent and expensive hat?

last but not least is the easter egg hunt - now how am i going to do this on a blog i expect you are wondering - well where there’s a will there’s a way. the first thing that i should point out is that it’s bunnies hiding (the same as the top of the post) rather than eggs as they’re cuter and i have already eaten all of the eggs!

so, the challenge is to find the 8 bunnies, hidden throughout my site, each with their own special code. once you have all of the codes email me at melkirk1@gmail.com and you’ll win an easter egg - what more could you want? an egg and entertainment - genius

let me set the scene, my mum found my blog…. within 10 minutes she was on the phone and concerned that i am using my blog inappropriately as an outlet rather than speaking to her. i know that she’ll probably be reading this, so i’ll take this opportunity to say, mum i love you, there’s nothing to worry about…

for me, the blog is fun, it might be amateur but i enjoy writing my hopefully amusing stories. If nothing else, it doesn’t seem so bad when incidents happen - in fact i’m almost pleased as it gives me something to write about! I’m not the only one, I recently came across this blog which i think it’s fair to say is almost as random as mine - and i love it. If you look at this post it takes it even further, but there’s something endearing about it

in my opinion it’s a generation thing - youngsters growing up now feel a lot more independent, free to join communities and develop their own identities. whether this is sustainable, only time will tell. there has already been evidence that things might have to change, only confirmed by the recent kathy sierra situation. whilst 99% of the people out there using the web are decent individuals, it’s the small minority that have to ruin it for the others! whilst freedom of speech is imperative, people should be accountable for their actions when they act in an irresponsible manner.

for me though, my blog is just a bit of fun, i’m not taking myself seriously and i just hope that i make a few people smile. i can understand why people might have reservations about posting pictures of themselves on the worldwide interweb but i’m fine with it as it’s not like i’m posting any indecent ones of myself. i see a blog as an addition to my life, it doesn’t replace human contact and it certainly doesn’t replace a good old natter - but sometimes it’s good just to type away and press publish!

so the question is, do i change my ways and keep my matters private or continue to publish my incidents??? whilst i ponder, i’m thinking of a great post for easter…

you know when you were young and your mum used to say “lies come back to bite you” - it’s true! i should have listened to her…

last night was going swimmingly, everyone was having fun as when consumed our margheritas - maybe that’s the problem, i consumed one too many margheritas and i’ve spent the whole of today regretting it. that aside, i got up this morning to find that my camera and phone were missing from my handbag - i’d lost them. this was probably made worse by the fact that i had only just sorted out a new mobile following the washing machine and toilet incidents.

feeling like my oxygen had been cut off without my mobile, i got straight on the phone to the insurance company. this was where the white lie began. i didn’t really think that i could claim for a new phone using the line “i got horribly drunk and misplaced my mobile” so instead, my story was as follows:-

“I was on the water ferry in bristol docks yesterday when i left my phone on the side of the boat to get something out of my handbag. in the meanwhile the phone dropped off of the side of the boat into the merky depths of the river, never to be seen again”

i was informed that i would need to report it to the police and visit the branch - which i did. the sales assistant seemed suitably persuaded and my claim was referred for a decision. by the time that i got home, a taxi driver had been in touch to say that he had my mobile and camera. great news i thought.

ten minutes later and another phonecall down the line it turns out that you can’t just cancel an insurance claim, you have to email them details of how the phone was recovered as they put a bar on the phone. how do you explain a phone being recovered from the depths of the ocean and not being water damaged??? this was how i tried…

“i was out with friends last night and had had one too many drinks. this morning when i noticed that i didn’t have my phone, my friends informed me that it had fallen off of the side of the boat that we were on. i therefore went into the branch and made the claim. however, when i got back, my friends had been in touch to tell me that it was an april fools joke and that they had my phone - they weren’t expecting me to have tried to replace it etc so soon. the police have now been notified”

good god, how do i get myself into these situations?