great big white lies

you know when you were young and your mum used to say “lies come back to bite you” – it’s true! i should have listened to her…

last night was going swimmingly, everyone was having fun as when consumed our margheritas – maybe that’s the problem, i consumed one too many margheritas and i’ve spent the whole of today regretting it. that aside, i got up this morning to find that my camera and phone were missing from my handbag – i’d lost them. this was probably made worse by the fact that i had only just sorted out a new mobile following the washing machine and toilet incidents.

feeling like my oxygen had been cut off without my mobile, i got straight on the phone to the insurance company. this was where the white lie began. i didn’t really think that i could claim for a new phone using the line “i got horribly drunk and misplaced my mobile” so instead, my story was as follows:-

“I was on the water ferry in bristol docks yesterday when i left my phone on the side of the boat to get something out of my handbag. in the meanwhile the phone dropped off of the side of the boat into the merky depths of the river, never to be seen again”

i was informed that i would need to report it to the police and visit the branch – which i did. the sales assistant seemed suitably persuaded and my claim was referred for a decision. by the time that i got home, a taxi driver had been in touch to say that he had my mobile and camera. great news i thought.

ten minutes later and another phonecall down the line it turns out that you can’t just cancel an insurance claim, you have to email them details of how the phone was recovered as they put a bar on the phone. how do you explain a phone being recovered from the depths of the ocean and not being water damaged??? this was how i tried…

“i was out with friends last night and had had one too many drinks. this morning when i noticed that i didn’t have my phone, my friends informed me that it had fallen off of the side of the boat that we were on. i therefore went into the branch and made the claim. however, when i got back, my friends had been in touch to tell me that it was an april fools joke and that they had my phone – they weren’t expecting me to have tried to replace it etc so soon. the police have now been notified”

good god, how do i get myself into these situations?