Monthly Archive

so, you’ll have to excuse me if there’s more mistakes than normal in this post - you see i went to a party with my friend last night. i was a little worried about going as we were going to meet with her dance group - and i had visions of them all looking perfect and dancing like beyonce, which is enough to make any girl insecure. we had a really good night though - that was of course until we got into the taxi to come home.

i think i realised it was going to be a bad ride when the taxi driver looked up and said “you girls are a bit old to be coming out of that club aren’t you?”. the cheek. to make matters worse we then thought it would be a great idea to get him to guess our age. note to self, don’t play game if you don’t want to run the risk that the answer won’t be favourable! turns out he thought we were mid-thirties (we’re actually mid-twenties, OK, late twenties, but still!). by now we were practically suicidal!

it didn’t stop there though. oh no.  he proceeded to tell me that i talk like the queen before insulting my neighbourhood and telling my friend she was the rougher of us two (which to be honest, there’s not a single rough thing about her!). well by the time we got home, tensions were high and we still had to pay the fare. if i had known, i would rather have walked.

damned taxi man.

i’m going to console myself by a day of endulgement - cuddling my cat, watching dvds and maybe even eating ice cream. yum.

have a great weekend, m x

ok, that sounds much worse on a web page than it did on my head. would it make things sound any better if i told you that i actually mounted it on my heel? it doesn’t really does it??? ok, well it just wasn’t a good situation. this is what happened…

i walk to the end of my garden, in a rush to leave the house when all of a sudden i stand on something rather squidgy to the touch. frightened that i’d stood on one of my cats paws (don’t even ask!), i looked down quickly, only to find a mouse hanging off of my heel. before you know it i’m yelping like a little girl and jumping up and down on the other foot in the hope that it would fall off.

it turns out hugo the lickle (only not so lickle) ginger cat had thought it would be lovely to bring me a gift in the form of the bottom half of a mouse. nice. please someone tell him that perfume or a handbag would be much more gratefully received in future. instead, i had to go to work with mouse blood on my heel - not quite the look i was going for!

… i don’t like their name! recently i’ve been listening to pigeon detectives and it has to be said, i really love their sound. i can’t quite come to terms with their name though. you see, it turns out i have a bit of a prejudice against pigeons - although it’s something that has only just come to my attention and it’s really quite disturbing - which led me off on a train of thought…

correct me if i’m wrong, but aren’t they disease ridden birds. i quote:-

“homing pigeons can be hosts to various diseases, some of which can be transmitted to humans”

ew! the things are deadly! in addition, anyone who’s been to trafalgar square in london will be able to tell you how terrifying the things are - there’s thousands of them and they fly straight at your head. i tell you, they have no fear!

mary poppins might have sung about feeding the birds - but she didn’t sing the next verse which was “be warned because then they’ll poop on your head” did she??? i think we’re only hearing one side of the story

on that lovely thought, now that my post makes no sense whatsoever and i’m feeling totally and utterly unsettled, i’m going to go and take a shower - i feel kind of dirty!

happy friday,

m x

p.s. oh my goodness, i’ve just thought of a fear that i’m going to have to put on my “things i’m scare of” page - being pecked to death by pigeons. yes i know - today’s another random day!

p.p.s don’t even get me started on magpies - the little thieves!

it’s late. i should be asleep. instead, i’ve been setting up a new group on facebook and doing a mini-redesign on the blog. what happened? when did the geek in me take over?

i’d love to the get the site properly designed but as cash is tight at the moment (what with a new flat and all - eek!) i decided i would do a bad but new job myself, so here we are - dadah! nowhere near ideal i know, but it will do until tomorrow when i’ll look at it again and wonder why i bothered when i was so tierd and thought it looked ok!?!

anyway, rather than ramble on, i’m going to get some sleep and hope i make more sense in the morning. assuming i don’t have a brain transplant overnight though, it’s unlikely - so we’ll continue this conversation then.

…sweet dreams

so i know that this is an incredibly random post - but let’s be fair, it’s a random blog and you’re still reading it, so i’m guessing i can get away with it, although this might be pushing the boundaries…

today, i was driving home from work and i went past a field filled with cows… nothing unusual i hear you say! the unusual thing was that there was a ditch at the side of the field to stop the cows from walking on the road and one of the herd had taken it upon themselves to try and cross the ditch to get to the road, i know - he wasn’t the brightest in the bunch, poor love! well, he was stood at such an angle, it looked like he was going to trip and fall any second… which got me thinking about cow tipping… (i told you it was random didn’t i?)

now for many years, it’s been believed that some odd people run up to cows when they’re stood sleeping and tip them for fun. firstly, why you would do that, goodness only knows and secondly it’s an urban myth! can you imagine, some guy stood in a bar talking with his work colleagues at the end of a hard week and then all of a sudden piping up with…

“so i went out last night, got completely wasted. was walking home, saw a cow getting a bit of shut eye. saw my opportunity and took it. snook up on him and before you know it, the cow was tipped and lying on the floor. you had to be there, it was side-splittingly funny!”

no, that’s what i thought - me neither. so whilst i was having a random moment, i googled it when i got home, just to see what evidence existed on the subject - i need to get out more, i realise. well some guy (lovely i’m sure) went to the trouble of working out the statistics behind the fine art. apparently the body mass wouldn’t make it that easy! plus apparently they sleep sporadically throughout the day whilst other members of the herd stay awake…

so, if you see a drunk, sneeking up on a cow, please stop them! just for their own self preservation!!!

random post complete, i’m off to research whether tipping a sheep would be easier!

most sane people are still fast asleep, catching up from their late saturday night. not me. oh no. everyone in my street decides that 8am is far late enough to start clattering and making noise. aargh! i want to be a lazy bum and still be asleep. i sincerely believe if that were the case i wouldn’t be craving eton mess.

eton mess i tell you. eton mess. yes that’s right, the dessert eton mess! it’s 10.30am, what’s wrong with me??? i’ve always thought i had a sweet tooth, but it would appear i have sweet teeth rather than a tooth. i’m going to try eating an apple to see if that helps and do some work ahead of next week. i’m not for a second expecting it to help, but it’s worth a try! what’s wrong with me?

btw - for the best ever eton mess, you have to go to the ivy. everywhere else just fails in comparison. have it in a pub and it’s just mashed up meringue, ice cream, cream and strawberries. ok, that’s still exactly what it is at the ivy, but damn it’s good!

ok, actually nothing to do with paris, but hey, it’s been one of those days. so i’m going to keep it brief. word advice for anyone thinking of buying a flat…

work out if you can afford the flat before putting in an offer, otherwise your offer is accepted and you don’t yet have a mortgage arranged and they want to complete within 28 days… triple espresso anyone?

hippy, happy, hoppy friday guys! m x

p.s. if i have skylights and not windows do i still need curtains as no one can see me getting changed? hmm!

i knew it. it’s true. it says it on wikipedia so it must be true.

you see it all started today, when i HAD to go out to buy myself the most horrid sandwich in the world. i went unprepared and didn’t take an umbrella! oh yes, you can guess what happened next. the heavens opened and i was drowned. but in the process of being drowned, whilst gasping for breath, i thought to myself, goodness it’s raining cats and dogs. that then led to a big wondering as to where that expression came from and whether a cat or dog has ever fallen out of the sky?!? i know, i often have days like this.

so, as soon as i got back into the office, i wikipedia‘d it and found out that it’s true. animals can and have fallen from the sky! can you believe it? ok, so they use the example of fish and frogs, which don’t exactly have the same body mass as a dalmation i’ll grant you, but nonetheless i bet it’s happened somewhere! Look at this post.

now that you’re amazed, both at how i get around in my life and also the fact that cats and dogs can fall out of the sky, i’m going to leave you to enjoy reading all about it. happy thursday peeps!

m x

p.s. it wasn’t actually really heavy rain, just enough drizzle to make your hair fuzzy beyond repair, but well it wouldn’t sound as exciting if i just wrote that would it?

p.p.s i’m sure that i’ve asked this before, but if dogs think - do they think with an accent? hmmn ponder!

a run in with the cheeky girls, a randy cab driver and far too much champagne - where shall i begin?

i can honestly say that i’ve just experienced a weekend like no other. it began with a trip down oxford street where i decided to pop into the new primark that had just opened, not because i wanted to buy anything but just because i was intruiged as to what all of the fuss was about. big mistake. for those of you who are priveliged enough to not know what primark is, it’s basically a low priced clothing store. to my horror, not only was it full of smelly people just like the normal primark stores, due to it’s size, there were more smelly people and the queues went on for literally miles. never before have i been in a store and had my feet swept up with the rubbish. nice.

to make up for the drama, we decided to go to harvey nics for a glass of champagne. it’s fair to say i felt much more at home there and could have stayed there for hours - i love nothing more than people watching, working out who were the regulars and which people were tourists who came in just to be able to go home with a harvey nics receipt to leave on the side for their friends to see.

we decided eventually that we should make our way back to the hotel to get ready for the evening. as we got out of the lift on the ground floor we were faced by two stern looking girls who refused to move out of our way. not only did i think to myself that they were really rude, they also looked familiar, but i couldn’t work out why. that was when it struck me. it was the cheeky girls.

anyone who is british will understand that these girls are purely known for the fact that they are twins and have cute butts - but certainly not for anything else - so it was quite amusing to find that they obviously thought they were better than us. (meow - I know!).

later that night we decided to head back to covent garden for dinner and more cocktails. the night started in browns with margheritas - always a good starting point. from there, i decided i was going to show off my local knowledge of london town and lead the way. the problem came in that whenever i thought something looked familiar and therefore we must have been heading in the right direction, this actually turned out to mean that we were walking another mile from where we needed to be.

having walked for miles and ended up in the middle of nowhere, we found an italian that served food and didn’t have neon lights in the window (always a good sign!) so we decided to have dinner there. as by this point we had no idea where we are, having eaten dinner we decided to head back to the hotel bar to continue the champagne cocktails.

the cab driver that picked us up was really friendly (at this point i had no idea that he was also very randy!) and was asking us about our evening. i was explaining that we had gotten completely lost and had walked miles in the process. he asked whether my feet were hurting at which point i totally and utterly humiliated myself by saying “not at the moment, but ask me in the morning”. this was a total mel-oquism, something only i could say completely innocently whilst sounding so rude to everyone else. well it’s fair to say, my friend was in stitches, i was blushing more than a tomato and he’s saying it’s the best offer that he’s had in ages.

i then have to sit in the back of the cab whilst he’s telling his pal on his mobile about the great offer that he’s had before offering to take me out - not that he thought i was easy at all!!! i’ve never been so embarrassed.

a good time was had by all though and let’s be fair, my life wouldn’t be the same if i wasn’t embarrassing myself in some way or another would it?

ok, so i promised i would tell you the story when it was a little cloudier. well technically it’s not that cloudy, but today i’ve got a big grey cloud over my head, so i’m going to vent my frustration, sorry! make yourself comfortable, you could be here a while!

a couple of days ago, there was a slight incident with my car, which i won’t go into in too much detail because i know that a certain someone will be reading this. but, needless to say, i ended up scratching my car. distraught, i got out with a cloth and rubbed so hard it practically bought it back to new, luckily it hadn’t removed the paint from the car, just added the paint from something else - got i’m being mysterious aren’t i? anyway, all was well with the world again.

then today on my way to work, i had the feeling it was going to be a good day. the sun was out, my music was loud and it was the last day at work before a long weekend. that was until i got to the big roundabout and a lorry drove into the side of me. as if that wasn’t bad enough, the lorry man drove off! it wasn’t like i could even take his registration details as i was stuck on the middle of a roundabout. you’d think things couldn’t get any worse, but how wrong you are!

you see, i don’t take being hit by a lorry very well and so therefore instantaneously turned into a wimpering cry baby and started sobbing my heart out. no one got out of their car to check that i was ok, oh no, they beeped and shouted obsceneties. to a girl as well, i know!

so now tomorrow, i have to take bugsy to the car clinic to see if he can be repaired - poor thing, i feel his pain! let’s hope that it doesn’t cost too much to make him well again, otherwise instead of eating food for dinner, i’ll just have to sit myself infront of bugsy and admire what could have been a meal

p.s. if you know a horrible man that drove into a girl today and then drove off, please let me know and i’ll send the boys around - ok, maybe not the boys, just the bill will do!

firstly before i go any further can i say i love the summer, like, really love the summer! to me, the summer means 4 things - bronzed skin, flimsy dresses, flip flops and tops down! however it does also tend to mean that you have encounters like tonight.

i’m driving home from work, tops down, music blaring, singing my heart out to most of the words and humming to the others - that was until i witnessed it! my first brit of the season. when i say my first brit, i mean a milky white, overweight, middle aged guy with no top on, white socks and sandals… oh and a floppy hat, don’t forget the floppy hat!

it’s been such a beautiful day - a perfect day I would say, not a cloud in the sky and around 91 degrees farenheit. that’s not to say for one second that it was so hot it required walking around topless. trust me on that. my top was well and truly in tact!

so why is it, the slightest ray of sun and the chicken legged sock-sandal combinations go on display - why can’t we be known for our boardies and thongs?!?

anyway, ramble over - how much of a difference does the sun make? i’d be insanely happy if it was sunny all of the time. it would be like me on redbull permenantly.

hope you’re enjoying sunshine too - remember the sun screen!

m x

p.s. oh just remembered, it wasn’t quite perfect, in fact i crashed my bug, but i’ll tell you about that on a cloudy day!