Monthly Archive

one scraged leg which led to an infection which required antibiotic cream, which was replaced with a bandage and antibiotics which led to a reaction, swollen lips and tongue, more antibiotics and a huge swelling and i’m pleased to say i finally have the web - woo hoo!

i think it’s fair to say a month without the web at home has taken it’s toll…. i certainly need my holiday to recover

cat wakes me up at 3am licking my nose.

i get up and open door for cat.

cat pushes door closed.

cat licks my nose.

i get up and put down biscuits for cat.

cat rags rug.

i remove cat from living room and shove face in biscuits.

cat spits biscuits at me.

i become wide awake.

cat goes to sleep.

good job i love the furry creature!

to the guy who lives in apartment 4,

i just wanted to drop you a note to sincerely apologise for any distress caused through seeing me naked on saturday. i really didn’t know that fake tan could set off the fire alarm and i appreciate you coming down to check that i wasn’t on fire. i promise that in future, i will ensure all of the blinds are closed before getting undressed and yes, you’re right, it really is hard work being a girl.

my sincerest apologies once again,

the rather embarrassed although lovely tanned, mel x

i was driving to work today and it struck me that i’ve got quite a few quirky things that i do. i don’t know why i’ve never noticed it before, but i’m hoping i’m not the only one that…

• ducks in their car when driving under a bridge
• closes their eyes when they squeeze their car through a tight gap
• leans forward and breaths in when driving up a steep hill
• shivers when they’ve driven over a squashed hedgehog (i don’t kill them, i just always seem to find them in the road!)
• drives quicker when there’s an upbeat song on the ipod
• leaves the house and then wonders whether they locked it
• can’t remember whether they turned the iron/hair straightners/oven off after they leave the house
• have to salute a magpie, say good morning to it and tell it the time (it’s bad luck if you don’t!)

ok, so now it just looks like i have issues. please say i’m not the only one!

m x

my friends, i have a very important lesson for you today regarding spiders, windows and apple macbooks….

don’t try and move away from the spider (yes that’s right - yet another, i’m sure there’s a nest!) whilst perching out of the window trying to get a wifi signal to feed your internet addiction. the chances are that you’ll fall out of the window and cause damage to your left leg as demonstrated in the image below.

lesson over - enjoy the rest of your day x

p.s. don’t fear - the macbook was fine!

for those of you who contacted me and told me it wasn’t possible to swallow a spider, i have news for you!

“there is a considerable amount of chemical and physical (DNA and body parts) evidence that proves the average American (or at least Colorado resident) has consumed 8-12 insects (of varying size) within the previous 90 days”

i quote!

sleep masks - they’re the way forward

spiders.

i don’t need to say any more.

go on then, you twist my arm! you see living alone for the first time has taught me many things, i can now balance things whilst holding doors open, put beds together… ok, so that’s about all that i’ve learned, but still! the last night, i had to learn something i never thought would happen to me - facing a spider, duh duh dum! (i sang that btw)

you see, i was leaning out of the window to get a signal for my macbook when i turned around to see the little horror crawling across the carpet. only it wasn’t little. it was big. and black. with thick fury legs. and fangs. ok, that took things a bit too far didn’t it? this was where i was faced with a dilemma - was i to kill it or pick it up and take it into the garden. i chose to do neither and sprinted to my camera to take a picture of it…

now i’m sorry, but you can actually see it’s green beady eye. that is not nice. anyone that knows me will know that is my greatest fear. i dithered and dathered and couldn’t decide what to do, so whilst trying to keep one eye on him (you must never lose sight of them because then you could lose them, fall asleep and it could climb in your mouth!), i scrambled to find a magazine. i had considered sucking it up with a vacuum but someone once told me that they breed inside of your vacuum and have babies which then come after you!

having found a magazine, i put on my highest heels - trying to put as much space between me and it as possible and started the challenge of trying to capture the damn thing to put it in the garden.

the result?

spilled beer all over the carpet! now i know they tell you not to cry over spilled milk but does the same go for beer?

got the little blighter in the end though and he’s now living next door, although i’m still suffering with the trauma of the whole situation!

i’m making the most of leaning out of the window to get wifi to share a little song with you…

i know a song that will get on your nerves,
get on your nerves,
get on your nerves,
i know a song that will get on your nerves,
all day long

i woke up singing that little gem out of nowhere this morning and was astonished that i’ve managed to last the day. did anyone else sing that to drive their parents insane when they were a child? no, oh - it must just have been me, face of an angel, voice of a squealing cat

… i beg to differ. i’m sorry, i’m going to whinge. i heard this news report yesterday and it nearly made me choke on my breakfast. according to recent reports, white van drivers are amongst the safest drivers on the road. now, the point i’d like to make is that they’re basing that on the number of white vans that are involved in accidents, rather than causing them.

now i know that this is a bit of a sweeping statement, but from my experience, white vans tend to drive you off the road and carry on driving, so they’re not going to be involved in that statistic are they? and let’s be fair, if they evaluated the accidents that white vans are involved with most of them would be caused by the leering men behind the steering wheel not concentrating on the road. at what point does shouting “get your lalas out for the lads” out of the window with an expectant look on your face ever work? someone really should educate them that there are far better ways of attracting women!

to make things even worse, they reported that black and silver cars are the most likely to be involved in an accident… which in my case is fair, so i can take that, but surely it’s because they’re popular cars (popular, not common!) so statistics are bound to be higher for them. that’s what i tell myself anyway.

having had my first white van driving experience a couple of weeks ago when i moved home - i have worn the shoe on the other foot and i admit - i was an awful driver. i felt i had to prove myself to all of the other white van men as they seemed amazed a girl could drive a van. however, this also meant that i too cut up a car, but it was more to do with me not having good spacial awareness, so we’ll gloss over that.

i wonder if i got out of the wrong side of bed today? maybe i should go back to bed, just incase

m x

making the most of the fine weather yesterday, i had the top down on my car and tootled around the shops in the morning. when i returned home and parked outside of the apartment the weather was still fine and i was feeling lazy, so i left the room down. later in the day, england being england, the sun disappeared and the heavens began to open. this meant i had to sprint out to the car and stand there like a soaked rat whilst i waited for the roof to be secured.

things became strange at around 7pm by which stage i still hadn’t had hugo (my cat) tripping me up and licking me trying to get my attention to feed him. thinking that things were a bit odd, i called out for him and left the door open. by 9pm there was still no sign and i was starting to get concerned, as i looked out the window, i saw a little ginger head appear in the passenger seat of my car - the little tyke had decided to camp out in my car and i didn’t see him when the roof went back up. luckily it’s never too hot in the uk, but maybe he’ll learn a lesson! what confuses me is that the car is the last place he normally wants to be when i take him to the animal doctors!

xox

i’m living in the dark ages i swear! i still have no web connection and to say that i’m going insane is no exhaggeration! it appears there aren’t any cables in my area to have cable service. not deterred, i called another provider who could run the broadband through my phone line, only to be told that the line in my street is really long and therefore the speed would only be 0.25mg! are you sure it’s 2007??

i resigned myself to using dial up for the time being only to find there’s a fault on my line and even that won’t work! someone seriously wants me to stay away from the web… maybe they’ve been reading my blog! i’ve got so desperate i’ve even become a member of the local library to use their connection - things must be bad!

there’s only one solution i can see - now where did i leave the number for the removal company?

happy weekend! x

 p.s. has anyone else noticed since the smoking ban was introduced that the clubs are so quiet! one great bonus is that the next morning you only wake up smelling of stale alchohol rather than smoke as well - nice!

i’m still in one piece, i know it seems like i’ve disappeared off the face of the earth, but in actual fact i’ve been driving white transit vans, building beds and cupboards - yes that’s right, i’ve turned into a boy :)  not really - i’ve just moved home, shouldn’t joke should i? anyway, i haven’t had the internet for just over a week now and the withdrawal symptoms are getting unbearable - thank goodness i’m back to work!

i will post properly later to update you on the latest trials and tribulations, but just didn’t want any search teams sent out (not just yet anyway).

stay happy, m x