my friends, i have a very important lesson for you today regarding spiders, windows and apple macbooks….

don’t try and move away from the spider (yes that’s right - yet another, i’m sure there’s a nest!) whilst perching out of the window trying to get a wifi signal to feed your internet addiction. the chances are that you’ll fall out of the window and cause damage to your left leg as demonstrated in the image below.

lesson over - enjoy the rest of your day x

p.s. don’t fear - the macbook was fine!

for those of you who contacted me and told me it wasn’t possible to swallow a spider, i have news for you!

“there is a considerable amount of chemical and physical (DNA and body parts) evidence that proves the average American (or at least Colorado resident) has consumed 8-12 insects (of varying size) within the previous 90 days”

i quote!

sleep masks - they’re the way forward

spiders.

i don’t need to say any more.

go on then, you twist my arm! you see living alone for the first time has taught me many things, i can now balance things whilst holding doors open, put beds together… ok, so that’s about all that i’ve learned, but still! the last night, i had to learn something i never thought would happen to me - facing a spider, duh duh dum! (i sang that btw)

you see, i was leaning out of the window to get a signal for my macbook when i turned around to see the little horror crawling across the carpet. only it wasn’t little. it was big. and black. with thick fury legs. and fangs. ok, that took things a bit too far didn’t it? this was where i was faced with a dilemma - was i to kill it or pick it up and take it into the garden. i chose to do neither and sprinted to my camera to take a picture of it…

now i’m sorry, but you can actually see it’s green beady eye. that is not nice. anyone that knows me will know that is my greatest fear. i dithered and dathered and couldn’t decide what to do, so whilst trying to keep one eye on him (you must never lose sight of them because then you could lose them, fall asleep and it could climb in your mouth!), i scrambled to find a magazine. i had considered sucking it up with a vacuum but someone once told me that they breed inside of your vacuum and have babies which then come after you!

having found a magazine, i put on my highest heels - trying to put as much space between me and it as possible and started the challenge of trying to capture the damn thing to put it in the garden.

the result?

spilled beer all over the carpet! now i know they tell you not to cry over spilled milk but does the same go for beer?

got the little blighter in the end though and he’s now living next door, although i’m still suffering with the trauma of the whole situation!

i’m making the most of leaning out of the window to get wifi to share a little song with you…

i know a song that will get on your nerves,
get on your nerves,
get on your nerves,
i know a song that will get on your nerves,
all day long

i woke up singing that little gem out of nowhere this morning and was astonished that i’ve managed to last the day. did anyone else sing that to drive their parents insane when they were a child? no, oh - it must just have been me, face of an angel, voice of a squealing cat