i know, every day in my world proves to be a crisis in it’s own right - but this is different, this is a midlife crisis which puts it into a completely different league. as such, words don’t do it justice, so i put together a ropey diary entry instead…

mum, if you watched that - i’m only kidding - i won’t really do it :/

i’ll check back tomorrow if i’m still alive.

m

p.s. check out the t-shirt - that wasn’t even intentional

p.p.s. i know that this is totally self-indulgent but hugo was trying to get in on the action and i can’t help but think he’s cute!

being super organised, i made sure that i arrived at the airport to return home with more than 2 hours to spare. little did i know that there would be one person checking in the cattle to economy class and 3 checking those for upper class. this meant that i had to run to the departure lounge before being rushed onto the plane.

when i say run to the departure lounge - quite a lot happened on that run. it all started with the fact that san francisco is far too good for shopping which left me sitting on my case, legs dangling trying to zip the damn thing. when i got to the airport they told me that i had too much stuff for them to even charge me excess baggage and that i would have to leave some items behind. this disaster was soon diverted though when i put the well used lost look on my face. i think they took one look and decided it was more hassle than it was worth and i was soon shuffled along.

at this point i decided i was really tired and could really do with an upgrade to be able to sleep on the flight back to the uk. i already knew that the cost to upgrade was pretty high and so i put my most charming smile on and told the check in assistant that i’d injured my back whilst in san francisco so is there any way that i could have a seat with extra leg room. this tactic didn’t go quite as well as planned when she told me that she wouldn’t let me fly until i had a doctors note to confirm that i was fit to fly. you can therefore imagine my embarrassment when i had to pipe up and admit i was just after a free upgrade - watched by the milling crowds, all trying to cover their amused faces. no amount of foundation could have covered the rosy shades of my cheeks!

from there i proceeded to customs where i was told that all cosmetics had to be in a clear sealable bag. the problem was that i had been unable to pack them in my case as i simply couldn’t fit any more in. i thought that it would be ok as my cosmetics bag is kind of clear, until i was told that it had to be the size of your palm - don’t they realise it takes a lot of cement to fix this face? as i approached, i became all flustered and gave into the fact that they would probably confiscate the items from me. as i passed through, i smiled at the camera operator and he became so busy being a guy and letching after anything with a pulse that he completely forgot to check what was in my bag. to say that i was relieved has to be the biggest understatement of the year.

by the time i got onto the plane and was seated next to a man that was convinced he should be entitled to my seat as well as his own, i was just relieved to be heading out of the airport. and so the adventure finishes thanks for the fun times san fran - i hope to be back soon

i know i’m rather masculine (yeah right) but i’ve never understood why when i meet people for the first time, they’re surprised that i’m a girl. in uk it’s not as if mel is ever used for guys - however i don’t think that’s the case in the states. so now i’m walking around town with a guy’s name - great! it’s not even as though i can use my full name as i can’t pronounce melanie without sounding stupid and feeling like i’m in trouble with my mum.

to make matters worse, apparently i share my name with a drive in. i wanted to be incredibly touristy and get one of their t-shirts but they all said “why not drive into mel’s?” and i don’t know why but that kind of makes me feel dirty and want a shower…

so no random stories today (if i’m honest i’ve got a bit of a hangover and can’t remember all of the things that have happened - there are quite a few, trust me) but i’m having birthday celebrations tonight, so watch this space!

m x

p.s. thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes, although you may want to take note that by finishing your email telling me i’m now officially old makes me cry, every time, without fail.

p.p.s. not sure if you saw my post where i said that i have the face of an angel, but if you did, i totally revoke that statement as the people at heathrow would appear not to agree - i was searched 3 times on the way out - seriously have you ever heard of anyone using mascara to harm anyone?

so having been woken up by the guy upstairs who thought it would be hillarious when getting in from the bar last night to knock on my door and tell me how sweet he thought i was, it’s fair to say i was more than a little tired this morning.

having wrenched myself out of bed, i decided breakfast was the way forwards and was bound to give me some energy. you can imagine my disappointment therefore when i put the shredded wheat in my mouth to find i had drenched it in orange juice rather than milk.

after telling myself for being so stupid and giving up on breakfast i made my way to work. now anyone who knows me will tell you that i fully utilise my bumpers. that’s what they are there for, why else would they be called bumpers? it’s generally bump, bump and i’m parked. only today, there was a man in the car parked behind me. to say that he went purple would be an understatement. i just want a big hug and for today to end…