new year, new me… sound familiar? well i decided that given my love of dancing, i’d try extending it from smooth moves on the dance floor of a club on a saturday night to midweek salsa… dancing without drinking - revolutionary!

now, i’ve only just started, so i’m not going to claim to be any kind of expert, but from the outside looking in, there appear to be a couple of really important factors that will affect your chances of success. this is how i see them anyway…

1. it’s all about personal hygiene

• deodorant is a must at all times - it might be a sexy dance, but it’s less so if there’s large wet patches under those arms of yours
• all onions and garlic must be avoided like the plague on the day of dancing, infact scrap that, it’s probably best not to have it the
  night before either - pore smells are never any better than bad breath!

2. try and give some eye contact. if this just seems impossible and staring at your feet is the best that you can achieve right now - make sure that you don’t have dandruff.

3. never turn down a dance partner. not only do you not want to hurt their little feelings, this could mean that the really sexy person on the other side of the room won’t approach you as they’re scared you might reject them too.

4. guys - never pull and push your partner. be firm. guide. oh me oh my - i can’t tell you how nice it is when you can find someone that follows that rule. just remember we’re not rag dolls… oh and it really hurts our feet if you stamp on them!

5. wiggle. wiggle as much as you can. wiggling can make up for a multitude of sins. wiggling is mandatory!

girls, remember we go to salsa to dance, guys often just go to meet girls that dance. it’s the way it is…. just be prepared.

now go wiggle!

ok, so you were half asleep one morning and signed a contract to agree to live on a desert island for the rest of your life without really realising what you were doing. a contract’s a contract though and there’s no getting out of it… so the questions is what 5 items would you take with you?

mine would have to be….

1. power generator and everything required power wise to run my macbook pro

2. macbook pro - alright, this might be a geeky answer, but think about it people - you’d have music and could keep yourself entertained

3. internet toggle - ok i’m sounding even geekier i know - but you could keep up to date with search efforts (no one knows you’re going btw - or even smarter use skype to call them), watch re-runs of friends on the web and update your facebook status of course, have to feed that addiction.

4. a knife - to cut open fruit to eat and carve wood to fill your time

5. favorite kurt geiger shoes - a girl needs to look good no matter where she is and they elongate your legs - it makes perfect sense. think of them as being a comfort blanket for the modern day girl!

* i’d like to add the clause that i was wearing a bikini and several layers at the time of signing the contract and so was allowed to take them when i was transported to the island (in my head this is of course - yikes i think i need to get out more).

so what would yours be?

are you comfortable? do you have a drink? you might then want to sit back and take joy in my embarrassment!

the day before new years eve, one of my very good friends was dumped. anyone knows that being dumped is never a joyous occasion and especially not right upon new years. to make matters worse, he then turned up at the new years party that we went to. as a loyal friend, i took it upon myself to have words and to inform him in my rather champagne-fuelled state that he would never find someone as good as her again. i know, you’re cringing already aren’t you?

the next day, my friends were teasing me and telling me all about how he was rolling his eyes as if being told off by a teacher at school. for this reason, when i next bumped into him a few days later in a bar, i apologised profusely and said that i’d been drinking and just felt responsible for my friend.

to my shock, rather than just dismiss me, he told me how nice i was. at that stage, i thought he had a bit of a funny look on his face, but didn’t really twig. before i get a chance to even think about what’s going on, his hand is on the base of my back and he’s trying to kiss me. immediately i went bright red with anger, removed his hand and told him that my apology was now officially revoked. pure shock is the only way that i can describe the expression on his face.

having gone straight to my friend (not the one that was dumped!) and told her about the whole situation and we decided that a stiff drink could be the only way forwards. when we had the sunday ritual of all girls at my apartment assessing the shananigans of the night before, i asked my friend if she could remember what had happened and she did, although no one had seen “the ex” in there. my friend decided it was best at this point to check with his friend that he was actually there that night and it turned out he wasn’t. i had only gone and apologised, got angry again and revoked my apology from some random stranger that looked the same…

i think it’s safest for me to stay in for a while, yikes! welcome to my world…